Gone are my days of polishing off an entire case of cheap beer in a day. The nights I finish off a fifth of Jack are now nothing more than stories lost to the pages of time. Waking up at 5AM to shotgun a beer and yell, “GAME DAY!” off the balcony, then proceed to start tailgating a 3PM football game at 6AM just can’t happen anymore. I think it’s time to face the truth and accept the fact that as a newly minted senior, I’m fucking old.
It’s not a question of whether or not I CAN drink an entire case or a whole fifth of whatever, now it’s the question of whether or not I SHOULD be doing that dumb shit. One of the biggest reasons I shouldn’t drink like a baby-faced freshman with the tolerance to match is that the hangovers are just too much to deal with anymore. Just the other day I found myself waking up in the morning with a killer hangover after causally drinking only five beers the night before. At the end of finals the previous semester I stupidly decided to attempt and complete a wizard staff. Not only did I black out by the end of it but I found myself sporting one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had and it lasted for almost TWO days! What is this shit?! What happened to drinking like a fish the night before and waking up the next day with a hangover that a glass of water and a couple of ibuprofens cures in an hour. Then proceeding to start drinking again and start the cycle all over again.
I honestly don’t know what happened, but I feel like a switch was flipped internally that now says the day after heavy drinking is to be filled with debilitating headaches and nausea instead of a mild head headache and maybe the beer shits. In recent months I find myself actually having to plan out the nights I intend on getting shit-faced around when I have nothing going on the next day to ensure I have adequate time to nurse myself back to full health.
In all honesty, I may have just fallen from the grace of the drinking gods and now they have punished me to be a little bitch when it comes to drinking heavily. Maybe my body has finally decided to revolt against me and take matters into its own hands. “Alright motherfucker, you don’t want to be responsible and start to drink modestly? I got a special surprise for you, dickhead. Try drinking for four straight days when on Day 2 you can’t leave your bed from the headache and vertigo overwhelming your senses.” -Short Round’s body smirks with devilish delight.
All I know is that as I start my senior year of college the pros and cons of drinking heavily have flipped and cons have become almost too much to deal with. A plus for this change in my drinking routine is now I can switch from quantity to quality. I have to admit it’s nice buying a sixer of a delicious craft brew and achieving the same effect that I would get after drinking half a case of Keystone. Buying a bottle of Buffalo Trace (if you don’t know what this is I highly recommend you figure it out) and enjoying in on the rocks is ten times better then a handle of Old Crow mixed with coke (not that coke, you degenerates) to make it halfway drinkable.
The days of excessively drinking copious amounts of Keystone may be behind me but it still doesn’t mean I can’t take the hit of a terrible hangover to put one of the loud-mouth, young bucks in their place from time to time.
Unbalanced 