Author: Goose

On spring break, I happen to be bumping a lot of 50 Cent. You know the throwbacks. The rap music now is just not worth the play time when I’m sipping my Naturdays. However, while I was drunk, the saying became “What the fuck is 50 cent up to now a day?” And boy did the news just break!

I wish this blog would bring me in millions of dollars, but it doesn’t. 50 Cent just sold his $15 million house for $2.9 million. This house has a night club inside of it. That was definitely the first thing installed in the house after he had bought it from Mike Tyson. This house has everything that you could imagine. 19 bedrooms and 25 bathrooms. I’m try to get in there and party likes it your birthday. Watch this video and let me know you favorite part in the comments!

At least the sale wasn’t just because 50 Cent was broke. He’s out here doing big things cause he isn’t getting any of the money from the house sale. It’s all going to charity, which is amazing.

At least now, I can answer my question.

“What the fuck is 50 Cent up to now a day?”

Letting the kids play! That’s what the fuck he is up to!

As a sports enthusiast, I love the idea of tracking technology. Give me all the stats that I don’t need just so I can brag about the speed Connor McJesus is flying down the ice at. Like fuck, the kid is younger than me skating at 25 MPH!!!! If I were to come close to 10 MPH, I would need a JUUL ASAP!!! HOWEVER, THIS AIN’T IT CHEIF. I’m not that stupid NHL.

This new tracking technology IS for the faint of heart. C’mon, If you can’t tell the difference between these placers on the ice, especially during the ALL-STARS weekend, simply stop watching hockey. I need something more than names and where the puck is located. Does the NHL really think their viewers are that dumb? Give me the number of times someone has called Sidney a pussy or the speed of Sidney after someone has called him a pussy. Like… does that motivate him??? I need true next gen stats!!!! What next gen stats are you looking for? Can we get a how many shots the goalie has taken in the nuts or maybe the amount of time Tom Wilson has hit someone in the head without getting called?

THIS LOOKS STUPID!!!!!!!

I really don’t know where to begin. Yeah, not having to work another day in your life after 30 sounds great. If you are single loner with no ambition to leave your house or consume any entertainment then yeah it “should” work.

$25,000 to $27,000 a year based on a family of three. These people must be starving themselves. What do you eat? Salad everyday? You have a kid! Like that kid might need 60 cents a day from the commercials to survive. Another family, $44,500 a year with two kids. If you watch the video you can see these kids eat almond shakes everyday, with a side of salad. Like are these kids even going to grow. I’m sure when these kids get older they are just going to look at their parents and ask for a real meal for once.

On to the next point, if you enjoy living in a house that looks like a thrift store then this is for you. People might mistake your house for an actually thrift shop. Buying everything used is a great way to save money if you are still living in 1980. You think these kids growing up in 2019 are watching VHS tapes. Scratch that the house has a tube tv with a build in VHS player. These poor kids are going to think they are in another planet when they see DVDs. Kid walks into a 3rd grade class room with everyone dancing to fortnite and snapchatting, and he’s over here listening to WGN 900 on his 1980 walkman, cause his parents don’t believe in spending money. Fuck, these kids will have trouble making friends.

Notice that the news anchors are probably in there 60s, which makes this better content. Frugal is an understatement. These people are just living off 25 cent noodles 6 days out of the week, with a salad and almond shake on the 7th.

“Slightly used” coffin is the way this starts out, so right from the start I’m out. However, if you are the type of person that likes morbid things and death this could be the kink for you. 30 hours in a coffin to win $300. First of all, thats like $10 an hour. You want me to get into a “slightly used” coffin for $10 an hour. You much be out of your fucking mind Six Flags. I thought the motto was “more flags more fun”. This sounds like a death trap.

I know this isnt Wall Street, but the strategy would follow Matthew Mcconaughey in ‘Wolf of Wall Street’. Just rub one out every couple bathroom breaks. Got to keep yourself in check. No one wants to implode inside of a “slightly used” coffin. In a weird way this is what most of us do when we find out about jerking off. Hide around for a couple days cause you think its the best thing since sliced bread.

That got kind of side tracked. Six Flags will provide food and drinks, so you won’t die of starvation. In the end, winning “could” get you $300, two Gold Season parking passes, and a bunch of Fright fest “things”. Also, if more than one person last the 30 hours it turns into a raffle. Might just have to scare off the other competitors. Make some weird noises inside the coffin. I don’t know.

Alright, lets get this out the way real quick. Kanye doesn’t need Kim to make money, to be successful, to be anything. Kanye is a genius. Yeah, he might have gone broke for a bit, but he was trying to start a clothing company. Kim isn’t bailing Kanye out of anything.

Kim is just a pop culture star. With no talents, other than being on Pornhub or reality TV, which isn’t a talent. Kim brings nothing to the table. One might say her wearing the Yeezy brand is her worth, but Kanye could find another person to wear clothing. I need to back track. What do people see in Kim anyway? Kanye just had the Yeezy brand valued at over a billion dollars, plus he produces and raps. Like Kanye… peace that shit. Kim just called Chicago a stripper. Again, are we just going to forget that Kim Kardashian will probably never drop below the 20th most searched term on all porn sites for the rest of human eternity? Yet, she is the one calling her Child a Stripper Name.

Yeah, you might call me a fan boy, but at least I respect talent. I’ve been hearing about a possible divorce and I’m hoping Kanye dodges a bullet called the Kardashian Curse.

If you have any feasible idea why Kanye needs Kim,  please tell me. I do not think Kim is the greatest companion. I would rather have a pet rock than be married to Kim Kardashian.

P.S. Ill be waiting for a Cease and Desist. Kris is going to come find me. Reality TV isn’t even a talent.

Comments Will Be Answered

Names will be referred to as Cain and Abel in the rest of the article. Hope all of you went to Bible Study.

Abel had a girlfriend, who he wanted to propose to in a big way. What bigger way to propose to your girlfriend then in the new Spider-Man video game? Abel tweeted at Insomnia Games asking if they could include an Easter egg with the words “Madison, will you marry me?”. Now, an easter egg is simply just a hidden message filled with images and much more. Its something that isn’t really suppose to be in the game, but the developers throw it in there. The Spider-Man game came out last week and what do you know…

Great!!! She must have said yes right??? Wrong!! Wrong as fuck!!! She dumped him and started dating his brother. So your ex-girlfriend is dating your brother? That is some demonic shit right off the bat. This kids name must be Abel cause his brother Cain just murdered him. How the hell do you take your brothers ex- girlfriend? That must be a magical female.

Finally, the developers found out about this from Abel tweeting them and posting a youtube video. Luckily, developers offered to change the wording. Thank the Lord. I would not be able to live with that inside of my favorite video game. Let alone as you can see his favorite marvel character.

What should the text be changed too? Let us know in the comments!!

The World Cup is under way, and I think the most underrated topic is that drugs will be allowed in the stadium. The catch is that you aren’t allowed to consume drugs in the stadium, but that’s like handing a 5 year old candy and telling them not to eat it. If you are over or under 21, I’m sure you have slipped a beer or two into a game or concert. I mean underage kids at Lallapalooza bury alcohol weeks before to try and dig it up during the festival.

In total there are 64 games played during the World Cup. Weed, Cocaine, and Heroin are some of the drugs that are allowed into the stadium. You are telling me people aren’t going to consume these drugs while watching the game! Why even bring them to the game in the first place? Half-Time is meant to consume things, so that you “take a break”. Enjoying the second half might include a couple key bumps, blunts, or shooting up. Let me break down the levels of drug usage.

100 level: All these people have enough money to be doing coke. Now, I think these people can handle their drugs. Unless, the game gets really close during those extra minutes. This can turn into one to many extra key bumps. Natural adrenaline might be enough to stop your heart. I know I felt like I was going to die during the 2016 World Series. Kris Bryant with the slip on the last throw. You add coke to that and I’m in cardiac arrest.

200 level: I’ll bet people in the 200 level are just smoking a blunt and enjoying the game. No one has ever overdosed from weed, so these people are save. If anyone dies in the 200 sections, it is probably the KGB taking out cheers against Russia.

300 level: Now, I know we call these the nosebleeds, but during the World Cup these people will be chasing the dragon. I’m not saying everyone here is shooting up heroin, but for the people that will be doing heroin. Are they even able to watch the game? Don’t know how easy it is to overdose on heroin. Could someone in the comments please explain heroin usage? Cause I am using the 300 level as money in the bank. If your countries is down 3-0, why not finish the rest of the heroin you brought with you to the game. At that point, you are hoping you wake up and the game is over or you missed the greatest comeback.

So my question is are you taking the over or under on 160.5 overdoses during the World Cup? I will take the over it comes out to about 2.5 people per game. I don’t think we will ever get the stats because the games are taking place in Russia. I wouldn’t be surprised if KGB members are just dealing drugs during the game. Could be a form of population control or the way Russia wins the World Cup.  I would not be surprised if some players from other countries happened to “Overdose”.

The KGB and Kremlin are probably tracking my IP address at this point. Please Like, Comment, and Share in the memory of my life. 

Now, I don’t know if you have all been living under a rock or just away from people in general. Pusha T and Drake have some big beef going on right now or in better terms a “surgical summer”.

This beef goes ALLL the way back to Pusha T’s beef with Lil Wayne and BirdMan, so if you have free time I would go listen to all those tracks. However, Pusha came out with his album Daytona, and the last track was a shot at Drake.

“It was written like Nas, but it came from Quentin.” If you don’t know who Quentin Miller is you have also been living under a rock. (Quentin miller actually dropped a track the same day drake responded to infrared.) Quentin Miller is the alleged ghostwriter for Drake. People have called Drake out on this before so nothing new.

Drake come back with the song Duppy Freestyle, which songs good musically, but is shots at both Kanye West and Pusha T. Some of the hardest shots are at Kanye, so if you actually pay attention, and you aren’t being a Drake dick rider it was OK, not the end of the world for Pusha T.

Now, on the other hand, Pusha T had a clap back on another level. Pusha called out Drake for sleeping with a porn star and impregnating her. A lot of people didn’t understand the Drake is rolling out a new line of Adidas titled Adidon. Also, the name of the kid. Pusha in terms of marketing killed the release of the new Adidas Line. Who wants to buy merchandise from a “deadbeat dad” that is pretty much using the kid as profit. Now, there are other shots taken mainly around the same topic. The album cover is another jaw dropping real picture. Pusha is up in the rap battle and the only way people think Drake is up is because they are dick riders. I don’t know the last time someone came out with a press statement about something said in a rap battle. Bad news for Drake.

Now, unfortunately the battle looks to be at a standstill. Drake says he has a track that will kill Pusha and Kanye’s careers, but if you say you will never release it. Sounds like a cop out to me. Let me know what you think. Comment below.

Winner: Pusha T