With a thick, luscious mane, our favorite pledge deals with heat about as well as a suburban mom deals with a slight inconvenience while shopping at Target. After seeing the thermometer break triple digits faster than the scale at fat camp, we embarked on a trip to the sandy promised land of the local beach. As always, harems of women flocked toward Kevin immediately. We all assumed it was due to his rugged good looks. Just like all black bears, Kevin is a skilled climber and has been using this skill in his training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.
Like many of the greats, Kevin prefers to train outdoors and in the public eye to try and inspire today’s youths to get out and be active. We always knew that Kevin was an avid supporter of youth health but we never knew how good of a guy Kevin truly is. He blessed us with a demonstration of his agility and grace by speeding through the obstacle course on the beach’s playground.
Kevin began his heroic obstacle course by demonstrating that opposable thumbs are unnecessary by swinging across the gymnastics rings with speed similar to that of a chimpanzee on crack.
With the rings done, Kevin flew through the next few obstacles including a 30 foot rope climb with ease and continued onto a zipline to the next set of obstacles. A crowd was starting to grow watching a legend perform with such ease and precision.
As Kevin moved to the swing toward the end of his course, there seemed to be no slowing of this woodland beast. Moments before launching from the swing to the final obstacle, we could feel the humidity of the air rise nearly 20% as the women stared in awe at these amazing feats of agility.
Blessing us all with a graceful landing from the swing onto the slide, Kevin slid his way into more DMs than we could count. After the performance on the course, Kevin went about signing autographs for the children and taking pictures with some banging MILFs. It was this moment that we knew we weren’t in the presence of any mere mortal.
Unbalanced 